My One and a Half Year Old's Resolutions.

Isn't it weird how she came up with these all on her own and with no help from me whatsoever?

I haven't even begun to think about what type of resolutions I am going to epically fail at this year. I've got some resolutions I think my husband should make- like not leaving a trail of clothes from the front door to the bedroom when he comes home from work or pretending to use the bathroom when I know he's in there playing ski games on his phone to avoid changing diapers. But there is another person in my house that needs some New Year's resolutions more than anyone I know. She's more needy than a scorned ex, easy to anger and has the worst communication skills this side of the Mississippi. 

Today, I had a serious talk with my one and a half year old daughter about some life changes she might consider making in the year 2016 to greatly improve her (and everyone else's) quality of life.

Here's what she came up with (on her own of course)...

1. I will stop being so interested in Mommy’s phone. I’m sure there are decent toys available if I would just give them a chance. Perhaps, I should start with the trillions of toys I received at Christmas from my Grandparents?

2. Before I scream bloody murder every time Mom won’t give me something I want, I will stop to ascertain whether there are factors of which I might not be aware of— like temperature, sharpness or potential death.

3. I will accept that bedtime happens. Everyday. Weird.

4. I will expand my daily food journal to include more than just bananas, m&m's, yogurt and rice puff cereal.

5. I will stop breaking my Mom's heart and just wear the barettes, bows and headbands she tirelessly attempts to keep in my hair.

6. During diaper changes, I will remind myself that staying still so Mom and Dad can just do their job will get the poop off my butt much faster.

7. I will stop arching my back, locking my legs or going into full-on tantrum mode every time someone tries to strap me into a stroller or carseat. I’m sure they have their reasons for imprisoning me every time we leave the house.

8. I will realize that exhibiting the same behaviors will not produce different results. Tossing my stuffed cat Gary out of the crib and then crying because I no longer have my stuffed cat Gary is an idiotic exercise that helps no one. 

9. I will appreciate naptime. 

10. After I am done eating my meal, I will suppress my desire to ceremoniously throw the remainder of my food on the floor, no matter how satisfying it feels.

11. I will attempt to learn that life is not always greener on the other side. When Mom or Dad holds me, I won't insist on getting down only to realize, moments later, that being held was what I wanted all along.

12. I will cuddle with my momma more. That's one of the main reasons she wanted to have a baby anyway.

13. I will reset my internal clock so that I go to bed no later than 10pm and arise no earlier than 9am.

14. I will learn that when Mom shakes her head and says, 'no' from across the room that is not an invitation for me to shake my head, say 'no' and continue to do what I am doing.

15. Perhaps mushy, squishy, slimy, sticky items are not the treasures I've built them up to be...

16. I will resist the urge to take the dishes out of the dishwasher that were just placed in there. Apparently, I am just elongating the task. Also, Mom opening the refrigerator is not a prompt for me to climb in.

17. I will refrain from entering a room and running towards that one thing no one wants me to touch.

18. Before I reach for Mom or Dad’s food, I will double check to make sure I have not been served the same thing. Sometimes their food may appear better than mine- but it's simply an illusion.

19. As much as I love Mommy, I will try to make my preference a little less obvious. It makes the one they refer to as, "Dah-dee" feel bad. I will also not run towards the door when that "Dah-dee" dude comes back from wherever it is that he goes and run past his outstretched arms.

20. When I learn a cool new thing and my Mom encourages me to do it in front of others, I will do it. Instead of making her look like a fool and a liar.

Do you agree with these? What would you add? I'd love to hear your comments and funny stories below in the comment section!